date: Sunday, June 28, 2009 @ 8:18 pm
title: Selah
nobody told me that loving you is gonna be a piece a cake,
but nevertheless I will keep on going without the tea and bread.
nobody told me that pinning my hopes on you gonna simmer like rainbow after every storm,
but nevertheless I will wait for you to appear, on and on. rain after rain. tears after tears.
nobody told me that building my faith and yours need to be worked on,
but nevertheless I will gather what is needed to fix it and keep strong.
you choose to take the narrow road.
thus you deserve what you get.
whether good or bad
cause you walk that road, just for that final step.
the step onto the neverending road.
can you listen to me for once.
once is all I need.
heartbroken. slient
because of you.
and only you.
as you are the only one.
the only one for me.
I kept repeating myself.
I can't repent until you forgave.
until I am given the chance to,
otherwise is back to square one.
Come back.
Dun go off.
Return.
Not depart.
Stay.
Not leave.
Please.
My love.
Selah.
date: Saturday, June 27, 2009 @ 12:05 am
title: James
I read the book of James 3 times and 3 times I got different revelation. I gotta write them down.
I love You.
I love Your Word.
I love to sing to You.
I love to talk to You.
You are my best friend.
date: Monday, June 22, 2009 @ 6:40 pm
title: Price
There is a price to pay for consequences in life.
As much as I do not want to pay for it.
I have to. To have what you want, you have to do what you have to do.
Because I want to have more of God in my life.
"... to fulfill all righteousness."
Need to clear all the debts in your life.
to make room for more of God.
It really hurts. But no choice.
Friendship is built on trust and truth.
And sometime truth hurts - you got to suck it up.
And sometimes trust takes time to mend - you got to have patience.
But nevertheless.
I am going to work it out. even if it means that I got to sacrifice big time.
Aiya. deal with it.
date: Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 3:35 pm
title: Unity
I made a decision this morning. I went to do a biblestudy on the word "unity"
Powerful revelation. Well.. goodness of God leads to repentence. man. convicted of personal matters. But not gonna be just listener of the Word but doers as well. Gonna do something abt it. Faith leads to good works.
"Desperate for something in life?"
"Total."
"Then what are you waiting for?"
"To jump off the cliff?"
"Get ready!!!"
"See you later!"
Having faith is risk taking. Breathe taking.
Focused listening is the key.
I found the locks in my heart, my soul and my mind.
Now I need are the keys to life to unleash the creativity, the dreams & the imagination on the inside.
date: @ 10:08 am
title:
Today he came with his crutches and bandaged face, while I was doing my work.
"I am gonna.." before he can even finish his first sentence, it was his last sentence.
"I need new problems, not the same problem. I need new battles to fight." I gave him a kick and he flipped from the window and goes down 16 floors.
"I wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiill beeeeeeeeeeeeeee baaaaaaaaaaaack!" BAM!
"See you tmr" I locked my window and went back to work.
Happy Father's Day :) Invited a friend to join my family for dinner.
date: @ 1:12 am
title: Supernovaed
Yesterday I supernovaed. I let loose of my temper after so many years ago. I can imagine how bad it was.
The cup of milk I was holding on, turned into yogurt.
The grass land I used to walk on, decayed and became wasteland.
The demons that hunt me day and night, ran away when they saw me coming.
Noone was crowding around me in the train.
I knew I should have. But I did in the end. I created a blackhole inside of me.
No matter how many hours of sleep I get. Its all sucked up and drained.
It took me 2 years to recover from it. I dunno now how long it will take.
2 days?
2 weeks?
2 months?
2 years?
2 decades?
2 century?
I just let nature takes its course. If diplomacy fails, boycott is the next step. If boycott fails, I will sink the boat.
Just now I had a heart attack. My chest was in dead pain. My face was pale. My eyes were bloodshot. My lung felt squeezed. It has taken a toil on my health.
Today, someone tried to test water with me. I smashed him right in his face. Then all those were with him fled. My fist were filled with blood. I was breathing acid from my nostrils. The person was unconscious. His friends, within a few minutes' time I K.O. then.
ROAR!!
date: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 @ 10:02 pm
title: silent
since the day man learnt how to be complicated. by doing what he is not supposed to do. darn!
sometimes some words you really feel like saying to someone but you know you are not supposed to. how? you make a choice to keep silent about it. Some words that involve alot of emotional strings. Some words that might cause relationship to go down a square or go up a square.
However, everything has it time and season. good feelings are just good feelings. dun be bluff out the outer looks. Look into the inner beauty of things. Dun judge a book by its cover. But the cover gives alot of impression.
I will keep quiet about it until the time is right. By the way, I need to get some strong clay to hold my hair.
Keep loving. Keep praying. Keep running :D
date: @ 1:00 am
title: Poetry of A Day
For JMin :D
Poetry of A Day
Morning arise the sun shines bright
Moaning and cry seems so right.
Where is the beauty?
Where is the tree?
That tree where my dreams hung high
The place my heart was buried under the root.
"A tree is a tree" says my dear friend.
She said it well. And rang a bell.
Alas. The night arrived like a
gentleman with an agenda.
Gentle and meek.
Senile n geek.
Where art Thou, my Love.
I need Your kindred embrace.
I yearn for Your listening.
I call for Your attention.
This is my love confession
For You. For every hope,
Every dream, Every part of me.
Dearest..
date: Tuesday, June 16, 2009 @ 12:41 am
title: I WANT!!
Relationships supercede personal goals. You can have all yr goals fulfilled but noone to celebrate with you. You can take everything I own but not the relationship I have.
If you want to be selfish and go to the market and rent a store to 'sell fishes' all you want. What I want.. is fisherman. Fisherman of whales. I have the whales. I have the ocean. I have the planet! :D
ROAR!! :O "You are not desperate enough if you haven't fasted, prayed a hell out of it and do something about it. Faith produces good works. No work. No good. No nothing. You can be upset about it but nothing will happen."
Any fish sellers? :) or do I have whale hunters? :O
date: Sunday, June 07, 2009 @ 11:50 pm
title: True Love
Everytime I hang out with Pastor and the leaders. No matter what we are doing. Doing something or not. At the end, on the way home.. I always thank God for them. I just feel so fortunate to have them in my life. People whom I really love very much. Like totally (until proven..) I will lay down everything for them. Just to see them smile and be fulfilling what God has for all of them. Their dream. Their victories.
One sentence. Love is uncondition. But true love is condititonal - just one condition: dun stop loving those you truly love :D
date: Friday, June 05, 2009 @ 11:26 am
title: Relationships.
I always remember Pastor said this to me:
"it's not what you do that determines who you are, but relationships in your life."
Its been 3 years. Sometimes I feel, I so far away from that statement. Keep returning to work work and work to bury myself in it. Maybe that's why I like to travel around. in buses. in MRTs. in cars. Just myself with a trough of strangers. Can't do any work properly and just sit there to observe what's going on in the cabin. in the deck. along the streets.
Relationships. I can't exist without others. My existence is who I mix around with. I gonna to choose wisely. Not work. I can exist with it. My existence is just to finish it.
HAPPY RELATIONSHIP DAY. Learn to cherish while you are able to :D
P.s Crazy thoughts.. STOP IT!! ROAR!! :O
date: Wednesday, June 03, 2009 @ 7:14 pm
title: Dream Part 1
Yesterday Pastor asked us this question.. "what is your greatest dream?" And the usual me, spring into action and scribbled a list (and I really mean a list of dreams I have) and I shared.
And I was thinking about it for the whole week since I finished a the 4th dimenison book: What is my dream? What do you want to do? What do you like to do? What is your calling? What are you made of? What you are good at? What.. what.. what..
And I have no answer. Like real answer to it. And I suddenly felt very empty - why i dun have an answer to it? I though I have it all along like grow church to hundreds and thousands, ten thousands and hundred thousands.
as the saying says, "I thought. you think. who confirm." I became very confused in my mind and as usual, when I noticed that, "it must be the lack of sleep. aiya. dun think abt it. go to sleep." but who knows that's escaping. hahaha. but to protect my faith and my thought life, I just forced myself to get some rest. calm the overworked brain and psycho myself to count the sheeps.
Even though singapore can be counted as a city that never sleeps. I was a waken by a voice. not God's but somebody else: "YOU ARE NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO EXIST!" BAM! I'm awake. I'm startled by the voice. I was shaking. I knew my day's battle has started. It was like 4 am plus in the morning. I threw myself off the bed. Sat on my rolling chair. Took out my reading assignment book. And I began to focus on the Word of God from a Man of God. I kept focused. I knew the battle in my mind had started. I kept myself busy with the reading. I quickly jumped onto my assignment. I got to change and pack my stuff. And off I went to school...
(To be continued...)
date: Monday, June 01, 2009 @ 11:12 pm
title: Brain.
i can't sleep even thou I wan to sleep badly.
Something is wrong with me.
Is it too much coffee or is my brain no longer abt to stop thinking.
I really got to stop thinking too much.
It is getting to me.
STOP! STOP! STOP!
